Sunday: Luaus are Awesome

Before going to Hawaii, I made a list of things I wanted to do while on my tropical vacation.  The list was as follows:
1. Eat a pig that had been buried in the sand.
2. See one hula dancer.
3. Attend a luau.

That was the list.  In my defense, this list occupied about 20 seconds of my time, then I went on with my life.  I did look up available luau locations and found one called Paradise Cove.  I then forgot all about it.


Upon my arrival, Angela told me that tickets had already been purchased to attend a luau Sunday night.....at Paradise Cove.  Do my friends know me or what?

Our greeter and our first Aloha of the evening.

Walking into the luau, I had several observations.

• What a great idea for a party.  We are gonna cook a pig in the sand, organize some fishing activity, do some hula dancing, climb a palm tree or two, eat a huge dinner, and watch a show.  Oh, and it's all gonna happen on the beach.  I'm on board.  
• Only old people (and newly weds) appeared to think this was a great idea.  I get it, old people.  You have time on your hands, money to burn, and an affinity for group bus trips.  Still, this place needed in influx of youth.  If we were putting together a luau football team, Ryan and I (and possibly Angela) would have started on both sides of the ball.  This should never be the case.
• Paying money for staged pictures with show performers in island garb is lame, but meeting up with performers post-performance is greatness.
• The word Aloha can be overused.  It was "Howdy!!!", "How's everybody feeling tonight?", "Everybody make some noisssssse!!!", and the AAC jumbotron all rolled into one.  A little too much aloha, but I get the bit.  
• I'm sensing a lack of awe in the fact that I'm a Texan.  Texas is a long way away people!  This sounds dumb, and I understand they see people from out-of-town all the time, but show the Lone Star State a little love.  I didn't get asked about my horse, my farm, where's my cowboy hat, football, or country music one time.  These are usually beating conversations to have with perfect strangers, but I expect them when I'm out of town.  As always, I have no point!

Ryan bet me a drink ticket as soon as walked in that he could beat me at one of the Hawaiian skills challenges.  Yeah, we're gambling at a luau.  Ryan quickly dispatched me at the spear throw.  His throw stuck and my violent throw glazed off the side of the hay-man dummy.  In my defense, my throw would have seriously destroyed the right arm or right kneecap of a larger island attacker, while Ryan's may not have broken the skin.  Whatever, it's not like a care (I totally cared!).

I found my calling.

Game #2 can best be described as what golf was like before the invention of the golf club... and the golf ball... and the hole.  Basically, it's a race where you push a rock with a corn-cobb shaped rock, until you push the smaller rock in between two sticks (like a goal).  After a hard count by the race starter drove me to crush Ryan in round one, I was told that I had cheated and must give Ryan another chance.  Race 2, utter dominance!  Then, a stranger needed someone to race against and I was volunteered, but he was no fool and asked that I demonstrate how the game was played.  Lame!  After another bloodbath victory, I officially retired from Hawaiian Rock Push Game.  If they ever start the PRPF(Professional Rock Pushing Federation), then I may come out of retirement and start my new career.

Victory mai tais, lava flows, and tequila sunrises!

The luau crew went on to teach us some things about Hawaiian culture.  Fishing, flowers in the hair, native dance, etc.  The whole time I couldn't stop thinking about this South Park clip:
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/103913/luau-in-hell#searchterm=satan%20luau
"Doin' the hukilau, doin' the huki huki huki hukilau!"

The show after dinner was very interesting.  There were tons of different dance bits, including a version of the haka.  Not quite RW/RR challenge intro awesome, but still pretty awesome!  Jabba the Hut was our MC for the evening, and apparently he has a lovely singing voice and more extensive knowledge about Hawaiian culture than one would think.  The evening concluded with a Jimmy Snuka look-alike doing crazy things with fire.

We did get a ton of great pictures!  


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