Tuesday: Meth, a moo cow, and the ugliest beach in Hawaii*

"Town"

Hawaiians split their state into two categories: town and country.  Basically, Honolulu and the surrounding area is considered town, while the rest of the islands are considered country.  Some living on other islands would even say the entire island of O'ahu is town, but my adventures on this day would suggest otherwise.  I would compare the Hawaiian attitude towards their state, to small towns in East Texas not wanting to become too "city-fied".  There are even bumper stickers, t-shirts, and decals all over that suggest Hawaii stay country (think Keep Austin Weird cuz I think they used the same t-shirt guy).  Tuesday would be my day to see "country"!

Learning from my bus mistakes from earlier in the week, I planned ahead and figured out exactly when and where the buses picked up to take me to north shore.  After being distracted by another early morning Ranger victory, I set off on my across island trek.  Sublime, Zach Brown Band, and Green Day were ready on the i-pod travel squad.  Douglas Adams' great book about scarier traveling conditions than mine, Last Chance To See is in the backpack.  If everything goes off without a hitch, the bus ride to the north side of the island should take around 1 1/2 hours. 

My trip took just over 3 hours!

Things that kept me from making my pre-designated bus stops: Rangers baseball post-game, a Chinese-woman having more grocery bags than hands, an over-worked bus driver, a cute Hawaiian girl named Lili, the cute Hawaiian girl's lack of bus route knowledge but never flinching confidence in my eyesight, the #3 bus riders' love for Chinatown, a confused bike rider, and my mediocre map-reading ability.  Despite all this, I missed my second bus that would've take me to northshore by about 30 seconds.  As the old saying goes, close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.  So I waited for the next one.....for 30 minutes.
 
The small town that was my ultimate destination, is a quaint little town called Hale'iwa.  It's close to several great beaches.  It has multiple local mom and pop stores selling all kinds of trinkets that serve no real purpose, but people like me really enjoy.  The town has good food, friendly locals, the best shave ice on the island, and gobs of folksy Hawaiian charm.
http://www.hawaiiforvisitors.com/oahu/attractions/haleiwa.htm

The part that I saw would probably be referred to as the armpit of Hale'iwa.

After a long bus ride through the agricultural part of O'ahu, I noticed a city limit sign for Hale'iwa.  I asked the bus driver if this was the stop for Hale'iwa, and he confirmed that this was the place I was looking for, so I got off.  From what I could tell, this town consisted of a diner that was closed for the day, a vitamin shop, a Pizza Hut, and a McDonalds.  Ummmmm, what?  Where's the town?  So, I stopped into Pizza Hut to get something to eat, and asked the owner/pizza artist/janitor how to get to the beach (shoulda asked how to get to a nice beach).  She responded, take a right at the McDonalds, walk a bit, and it's right there.  So, with some pizza in my stomach I take off on this "really short walk" to the beach.

This was not a sweet neighborhood road.  A pair of shoes hung over a telephone wire, which I'm pretty sure means I'm walking through somebody's territory.....and me without my neutral gang colors!  I walk past one junked up car on blocks after another.  Houses appeared to be abandoned or maybe they just don't believe in lawn mowers or paint.  The rainclouds roll in.  The street narrows, so there is no way two cars could easily pass one another.  It starts to rain.  Trees and high weeds now line this narrow, winding road (Hooray for blind turns).  No beach in sight.  Wild chickens stare at me from the brush, probably thinking how out of place I looked.  As I walked down this road, my thoughts turned to death, muggings, and dismemberment by meth-heads.  Could that Pizza Hut proprietor have led me into a not-so-elaborate tourist death trap?  How long will it take for my body to be found out here?  The only thing missing was this guy:
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/153196/down-that-road#searchterm=that%20road%20there

I am legitimately scared.  Then, out of nowhere I saw it..... A COW!

Not actual cow...

In the middle of Back Woods Nowhere, Hawaii, occupying a little half-stable is a proper milk cow.  White with black spots, it just stood there, the stereotypical farm animal ready to moo and eat grass (?) all day long.  For whatever reason, this calmed me down significantly.  I walked over to pet the thing, but she wasn't in the mood for visitors.  To some degree I thought, "If this cow can hang out on this street, then so can I!"  I wish I had gotten a picture of the cow, but the only thing of value I had on me was Angela's digital camera, and the odds of me getting jumped were still pretty good.



Soon after, I reached the beach.  Apparently in the Hawaiian measuring system, a bit = 1.6 miles.  But it's cool, because now I'm at the beach...... 

...Kinda!

This oddly shaped rock was the highlight of a "beach" that was probably a great meeting place for rock enthusiasts.  Maybe people who enjoy fishing.  The grandma who took her grandkids here probably hated all people, or maybe just her grandkids.  I'm over-reacting to the ugliness of this beach, but I was expecting better.  Compared to lesser beaches (Galveston maybe) it probably wasn't bad, but I had spent the last few days enjoying some gorgeous Hawaiian views.  Standing there, staring out at this rocky, dirty, graffiti-covered, park-bench laden disappointment, I tried to come up with the perfect analogy to properly convey my displeasure.  Before I could fully formulate my unpleasant-beauty-pageant-participant analogy, Angela miraculously showed up to drive me to a nicer beach just a few miles up the coast.

Angela was good enough to go with me to an actual beach.  The kicker is that my wonderful friend was still in full scrubs from her shift at the hospital.  How many of you ladies would willingly go to the beach in full scrubs?  Angela was the day's clear MVP.  We enjoyed the last hour of good sun, watched some idiots jump off a 20 foot cliff into the ocean(as waves came by), and listened to the soothing melodies of the beach's local ukulele-playing homeless guy.  I got in the water for a bit, missing my body-boarding buddy (story tomorrow), and enjoyed my short time swimming in the ocean.

I had de-boarded my bus one stop too early.  This was a fail on my part, and I learned an important lesson about the amount of detail that needs to be provided when asking for directions.  Maybe I'll do better later in the week.

*Disclaimer: I don't support any of the things in the title of this entry..
Except the moo cow...
And the ugly beach was kinda fun...
Who am I kidding meth is awesome too!